


What you made,a mess out of me

by hazzbandana



Category: Ed Sheeran (Musician), One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Blow Jobs, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, F/M, Gay, Implied Reincarnation, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Punk Harry, Punk Louis, Punk Zayn, Smut, harry and zayn are in a punk band, harry writes shit love songs, i might add characters as i go so, lots of gay, louis fucks eleanor, mentioned niall, so there's a big chance niall and liam will be included, sorry there's no liam or niall, zayn just can't be bothered
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-27
Updated: 2014-03-22
Packaged: 2018-01-06 09:40:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1105285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hazzbandana/pseuds/hazzbandana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'fuckin a' zayn groaned.<br/>harry was a sweaty mess,hovering over the mic,and moaning into the crowd but they ate that shit up. his inked torso was so long and leaning into the crowd,his hair was wild and pushed back mostly because of how he kept gripping it and pushing it back the entire show.<br/>the song ended 'we're the backstabbing lovers' and you were hot.</p><p>or </p><p>Harry writes shit love songs and Zayn can't even pretend to care about his set list being so angsty.<br/>Louis still comes to the shows and pretends he doesn't notice.<br/>He brings Eleanor along so he has someone who's hips he can bruise.<br/>He also likes to do lines.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. he got a new tattoo

**Author's Note:**

> this is the first fic i'm posting,so please be nice. it's short like a try out. sorry 'bout my bad grammar i'm just lazy. enjoy,hope you like it. my tumblr iz hazzbandana.tumblr.com  
> please tell me what you think

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gaypuns.tumblr.com

_'oh but don't you remember_

_oh you clinged so tight_

_oh you moaned about forever_

_but left the same night_

_oh don't you remember_

_you tasted like tequila and lime'  
_

  
'fuckin a' zayn groaned.  
 harry was a sweaty mess,hovering over the mic,and moaning into the crowd but they ate that shit up. his inked torso was so long and leaning into the crowd,his hair was wild and pushed back mostly because of how he kept gripping it and pushing it back the entire show.

the song ended 'we're the backstabbing lovers' and you were hot.

he was there.

 

***

 

it was a different place this time.

the song was slow and sleepy,like rainy days.

 

_'but i still play your mix on lonely days_

_i still don't sleep on your side of the bed  
_

_i fuck 'em on the couch so they can't phase  
_

_what you made,a mess out of me'  
_

_  
_the beat was slow so zayn lit his fag right there behind his drums and smoked while drumming lazily at another one of harrys heart throbbing shit love song.

harrys body feels heavy as he sways with the bass and lets the words form on his tongue and slip past his lips.

 

_'i still see you and i know you come for me_

_i saw you with her,she's a pretty little b  
_

_does it get crowded in there my love  
_

_does she know you sucked my cock?'  
_

_  
_just because they are love songs it doesn't mean he becomes any less direct.

he was there,and he wasn't looking him in the eye but harry can see that he is. out of the corner of his eye louis is watching harry. and his eye liner is smeared in that artistic way. and her hair is too perfect,and her outfit  is to perfect,and her posture just gives out this aura of 'i don't belong'.

they always have a thing for bad boys innit?

 

*****

 

the beat is fast and dirty. zayn likes this one. the lyrics might come from complete fuckery but hey,the shit is good.

harry is screaming in the crowds faces,and oh how they love it.

 

_'fuck you and fuck this and fuck this line_

_this one last line  
_

_you dirty liar you fucking liar  
_

_i found your stash when you were in the shower  
_

_i fucking love loved you  
_

_like you didn't know  
_

_look at me while i scream at you  
_

_you dirty liar you fucking liar  
_

_they all know about your tattoo  
_

_you think your shits smart  
_

_we all know what it means  
_

_you dirty liar you fucking liar  
_

_you shook beneath me  
_

_you begged beneath me  
_

_you screamed beneath me  
_

_but no more just because  
_

_i found your stash'  
_

he got a new tattoo and it's on his neck,the letters are in cursive and harry can't see what it says.

 

  
******

 

it's a festival. it's shit. it's raining and the beer is too cheap to be good.

zayn isn't even drumming,he just lets harry have a duet with the bass.

the song is slow and good and lovely,like a morning shag with someone you love.

 

_'oh stay just this night_

_just leave it till tomorrow  
_

_i don't even like to fight  
_

_and  this is from the sorrow  
_

_god i never ask for much  
_

_and  i've done good  
_

_just allow me one last touch  
_

_and i'll be gone for good  
_

_oh let me save you  
_

_just let me save your life  
_

_maybe i had a few  
_

_but you're always high  
_

_and i can't let go'  
_

_  
_harry's not even surprised he's there. he looks like hell. he stopped shaving and the clothes hang on him,both sleeves on display with the chest pieces and the new neck tattoo.

harry got a new tattoo also. it only seemed fair.

he got _'what you made,a mess out of me'_   on his left hip bone.

 

*****

 

it's 5 am. 5 fucking am.harry came home at 4 and collapsed in his bed. why is the phone ringing? zayn will pick it up. zayn's at his latest shags place.

'hello?' harry croaks.

'is this harry styles?'

'yeah,this is him. how may i help you at...fucking hell...5:17 in the morning?'

'we need you to come identify a person.'

 

*****

 

harry's at the morgue. it's fucking cold as shit and he has bags under his eyes and his breath smells like vodka just because he refuses to drink tequila. his eye liner is smeared but not artistically,it's in that shit way like when you sleep with make up on.

'sorry to make you come here so early but we like to do these things as soon as possible.' said a woman in a nurse scrubs with a name tag that said caroline.

's fine,just a long night'

'of course,here's the deceased.'  


harry ran out of breath,he couldn't move,his body started to feel like a cage. he had nothing,no words,no emotions yet he felt everything.

'it was most likely an overdose,a mix of a few drugs,'tho we didn't identify them all yet. but we found strong traces of cocaine that was most likely mixed with ecstasy and/or antidepressants. do you recognize him?'  


all harry could do was nod. and just let his body shake through the tears,because there on his neck,inked into his skin stood  


_'what you made,a mess out of me'._  
 


	2. let's start fresh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'spill it gay boy.' louis sneers at harry.  
> harry just huffs out a laugh 'come to the Black Cat tonight,my band's playing.'  
> 'and why would i do that?' louis raises an eyebrow.  
> harry squints his eyes at him 'i'm not making you come,i'm asking if you would?'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is louis' point of view and it all takes place 3 months before the first chapter.  
> i hope you like it,tell me what you think.  
> gaypuns.tumblr.com :)

*3 months earlier

louis was just walking aimlessly around the store,he wasn't planning on buying anything anyways.  
he was just going through a bunch of pop-punk cds when someone tapped his shoulder.  
louis turned around and faced a tall,lanky figure looking down at him.  
the boy has messy curls falling everywhere and a pierced septum and right eyebrow,as well as plugs in his ears. his tank top was showing his full sleeves and chest tattoos that went up all the way up his neck.  
'ah,i wanted to offer help but you are the baddest and biggest punk of 'em all aren't ya?' the boy said with a playful smirk.  
'ha,it's been three years and you're still a bitter little hussy.' harry always annoyed louis beyond compare.  
louis started to play with his own piercing on his tongue and lip by clanking them together.  
'sweet,wonderful three years.' harry continued smirking.  
'you probably still wank over me.' louis said with a hard face.  
harry purses his lips 'hm i don't remember wanking over you,but i do remember you sucking my cock in a school closet which is quite ironic because-'  
'well harry it was nice seeing you but i must get going.' louis fakes a smile and turns to leave but before he made his first step he felt a hand pull him back by his arm and turn him around.  
green eyes were staring down at his blue ones.  
'listen tomlinson,as much as i like to watch you leave' harry licks his lips after giving louis a once over 'i need to ask you something.'  
'spill it gay boy.' louis sneers at harry.  
harry just huffs out a laugh 'come to the Black Cat tonight,my band's playing.'  
'and why would i do that?' louis raises an eyebrow.  
harry squints his eyes at him 'i'm not making you come,i'm asking if you would?'  
louis widens his eyes and stutters 'are you a-asking me out?'  
'i a-am' harry mocks him. 'don't tell me you're still doing that straight act,hm,pussy.'  
louis shakes his arm from harrys grip. 'am not a pussy.'  
'so i'll see you tonight?' harry smiles and winks like this was his plan all along,to trick louis into go on a date with him.  
louis was too proud to admit he was tricked so he just stares back into harry eyes 'yeah,whatever.' louis mutters.  
he turns around and walks out of the store before harry could stop him again. he was late anyways.

***

'you're late.' ed says lazily while stepping on his fag.  
'yeah i know,sorry. i got held up.' louis apologizes while looking around.  
they were in an empty alley but still...  
'it's fine now 'cause it's a slow day,but i ain't waiting next time.' ed warns him while they exchange money and the goods skillfully.  
'you goin' anywhere tonight?'  
'nah,no plans. why? wanna go for a pint?'  
ed and louis were good friends. dealers usually had a strict 'no friendship with the customers' policy,but they went way back so it was all good.  
'i was thinking if you'd like to go to the Black Cat?' louis was hopeful.  
they walked out of the alley and started going no where special just wondering about.  
'i don't know,this new punk band is performing and i heard they were wicked but you might not agree.'  
'it's harry,isn't it?'  
'yeah mate,how did you know?' ed was surprised louis would willingly go to harrys show.  
'i ran into him today,he invited me.' louis said that like it was a punishment.  
'didn't you hate him back in school? i clearly remember you telling him he is a fucking prick and that he can go shove his dick in a bee hive. and why even was that?'  
you see ed was one of those guys who would see things and not say anything because he doesn't like to feel like he's an intrusion. and also he would forget. it was the weed.  
'i dunno,i can't remember,but looks like he can't either so maybe we should go,yeah?' louis looked like a baby pouting.  
'yeah,alright. i like the guy.'

***

'i'm sorry,it sounded like you said louis tomlinson,as in the one we went to school with.'  
'i did.' harry was nervously biting his bottom lip.  
'the one that blew you in school?' zayn was in shock,which was amazing because zayn is really hard to phase.  
'yeah,that would be the one.' harry was smiling now,thinking about that memory.  
'this is mental. you're mental.' zayn stood up from his place on the couch and walked lazily into the bathroom to get ready.

it was gonna be a good night,harry could feel it.


	3. some things don't mix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'i'm fine with spliffs but i don't like hard drugs,they can mess you up.' harrys face softened but he was still serious.
> 
> 'wow,you haven't changed much.' louis smiled to the resemblence of their current conversation to the one they had years ago.
> 
> 'yeah,but i hope you have.' harry smiled shyfully and he seemed so hopeful.
> 
> louis felt so guilty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not sure how often i'll be updating,but i'll try as often as i can. gaypuns.tumblr.com  
> tell me if you like it :)

oh how louis hates harry.

he hates him so fucking much.

there's too much people in such little space,and everybody's jumping around. louis is sweating and the line for the drinks is too long,but it's okay because he and ed did lines at his place so.

but harry is good. his voice is like liquid chocolate,if that is eloquent enough,louis thinks it is.

 

_'you know i could bruise you  
_

_and you like it when i do  
_

_i'll always go through  
_

_with this shit for you'  
_

the song was obviously about someone harry is fucking or used to fuck,maybe even tried to fall in love with. louis didn't care,nope.

the show was finally over,and after standing in a corner for fifteen minutes with ed,headbanging to the tune of the next band he sees harry.

he tied a bandana on his head to restrain the curls that were all over the place during his show.

he also had zayn by his side,and louis was surprised they still stayed in a band together.

harry was hovering above louis,whispering in his ear.

'princess'

'you were good' louis murmured back.

'you think?' harrys hand found his way on louis waist.

louis caught eds curios eye,but ed just shrugged it off and continued talking to zayn.

'yeah,you were hot.' louis didn't like how much he was allowing himself but he could always blame it on the high.

harry groaned and collided his hips with louis'. their bodies were alligned and they were close to kissing but instead they were breathing and whispering in eachothers ears.

'fuck,lou.'

'did you drink anything yet?'

'might of had a few shots' louis could feel harrys smirk against his cheek. 'did you?'

'nah' louis shook his head.

'maybe we should go back to mine,i have booze.' harry pulled back to look in louis eyes and smile.

louis hated how innocent he looked right now. like he was sixteen again.

before he knew it he was nodding 'yes'.

he turned to say something to ed,but he just waved him off. louis really likes ed. ed never asks questions you don't want to answer.

 

***

 

they were in harrys flat,which was,as it turns out,right above the Black Cat.

'i have wine' harry said right away and went to get it.

'i don't think i should drink.' louis said unsurely.

'why? are you on something because if you are-' harrys face hardend.

'what? no,no i just...nothing.' louis shook it off.

he really shouldn't drink tho,you know,don't mix drugs and alcohol or sumwhat.

'i'm fine with spliffs but i don't like hard drugs,they can mess you up.' harrys face softened but he was still serious.

'wow,you haven't changed much.' louis smiled to the resemblence of their current conversation to the one they had years ago.

'yeah,but i hope you have.' harry smiled shyfully and he seemed so hopeful.

louis felt so guilty.


	4. the purple will wash out anyways

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> he gave harry one last chaste kiss on the mouth, a 'see ya,curly' and he was gone before harry even pulled his pants up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi,this one is set three years earlier. harry is 16 and louis is 18. also,smut finally :)  
> hope you like it :)  
> gaypuns.tumblr.com

*3 years earlier

harry is really mad.

okay,not mad. just frustrated.

he was just at the principals office because the teachers had a problem with his purple hair. it's not even dyed,it's color shampoo. it'll wash out. god.

he's walking down empty school hallway because everyone else is in class when he notices a figure rushing down in the opposite direction.

it's louis. fuck him.

he is such a little twink. he thinks he fools people with his tattoos and that lip piercing he got,but harry can see right through him.

it annoys him.

louis looks up and widens his eyes.

'what's with your hair,styles?'

'it'll wash out.' he said tiredly.

'oh. you wanna go out for a smoke?' louis was already really late so he can blow off the whole thing.

harry was confused. he and louis have been in a few fights. like legit fights. blood was shed. he shall not smoke with him.

'yeah,sure.' well,fuck.

they climbed up to the roof and harry could feel the awkward.

louis got the pack of fags from his denim jacket,and offered a fag to harry.

as they were lighting it they walked to the edge of the roof and sat down.

'so styles,what's the story behind that piece of scripture on your wrist?' louis said conversationally.

harry took a long drag from his fag.

'i'm gay. and that's how i am. it's not who i am. but it makes me the person i am.' harry said without even looking at louis.

louis eyes were wide and mouth open. 'you're gay?'

'yeah. now,what does that snake on your bicep mean?' harry said a bit snippy.

that shook louis awake. 'oh,um...'

'you just thought it would make you look tough.' harry got closer to louis,he leaned into his ear and whispered. 'i don't care how many manly tattoos you get,i know what a cockslut you really are.'

louis gulped and looked harry in the eye timidly. harry was only sixteen and he had more balls than he did. his curls were ridiculous,and he had a thin layer of baby fat. but he was a badass.

harry stood up and threw his fag over the end of the roof and walked back to the school,leaving louis behind.

he was walking back in the hallway when suddenly someone pulled him back by his arm and into the storage closet.

and then he was chest to chest with louis.

'listen gay boy' harry raised an eyebrow,but louis continued. 'if you tell anyone about this,i'll rip your dick of.'

'wha-?' harry didn't get the chance to finish because louis lips were colliding with his.

the kiss was sloppy,but harry gave in. no matter how much he hated louis he had to admit that he was the hottest bloke he ever kissed.

harry was nipping on louis bottom lip,and playing with his piercing and louis moaned.

louis hands found their way to harrys curls and were pulling,which was a huge kink for harry.

they started grinding and harry was out of it.

he was kissing louis.

harry edward styles was kissing louis william tomlinson.

and now they were grinding. this oughta be a dream.

before he knew it he felt louis unbuckling his belt and pulling the zipper of his jeans. wow,was he fast or what?

louis pulled down his jeans and pants and oh,oh the sweet heat.

louis licked a stripe from harrys shaft to the tip of his cock.

the boy was on his knees,in a storage closet,in a school. nope,harry's dreaming.

he licked his slit and then took the head of his cock in his mouth sucking lightly. harry moaned and his hand was pulling on louis hair. it was soft,in case you were wondering.

louis started bobbing his head,taking as much of harry as he can,deep throating and ignoring the tears forming,because he can take it like a champ.

harry couldn't last much longer. 'lou,move,i'm coming.'

but louis just kept sucking,down and down. and harry came with a laud moan of louis' name.

louis just swallowed it all. he stood up and wiped his mouth.

he gave harry one last chaste kiss on the mouth, a 'see ya,curly' and he was gone before harry even pulled his pants up.


	5. the oops and the hi story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'oops' harry said like maybe the joint rolled and lit itself and fallen into his hand by accident.
> 
> 'hi' louis,as harry guessed,said.
> 
> 'innit' the ginger,ed, sounded while peering into the stall.
> 
> ***
> 
> 'is he for real?' harry turned to ed who seemed to spaced out to care about louis shit.
> 
> 'if he wasn't you'd have to make him up'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long wait? i just wasn't sure should the next chapter be in the past or present and school started but better late than never,i guess?  
> sorry for any mistakes  
> my tumblr is gaypuns  
> also this is like a filler chapter so you know i'm alive and yes there will be more. also i'm sorry but the story will keep bouncing from present to different times in past so it might be difficult to keep up,really sorry abot that

*one year before 'the blow job in the closet' incident*

 

so...first day of highschool. harry thinks he should feel excited or sumwhat but he just couldn't be bothered.

he just threw on his Sex Pistols t-shirt and some skinny jeans with black converse and not to forget the binnie.

his hair was a great place to hide weed.

he was just skating down to school proud of his new piercings that he got this summer,because in highschool you can have those. pretty neat.

just as he was in close to school property he saw two boys smoking cigarettes. they looked a bit older,but still in highschool. the punky looking one seemed to be telling a really funny story because he was almost choking on his laugh,and the ginger seemed more fascinated with his friends laugh than the story itself.

harry was thinkin' about going over there and light a fag with them,but the punk caught him staring before he even decided.

'take a picture,it lasts longer' he yelled.

'tosser' harry whispered to himself and skated away. 

 

*****

 

his classes were okay,he met a kid that looked like a future vogue model and they exchanged numbers.

but now was the time for the real thing.

it was lunch so he went to the bathroom and fetched a joint from his hair.

the bathroom was empty so he went into one of the stalls and light it up. and then someone went into the bathroom.

'ugh i swear grimshaw keeps picking on me for no reason,it's the first fucking day,who cares about hamlet.

'right,no reason. what about you locking him in his classroom last year?' the other sounded.

'that was all good fun'

'louis he was in there the whole weekend.' harry started to smoke his joint faster.

'ed,do we reak of weed?'

'that ain't us...'

suddenly the door to harrys stall were open wide and that punky kid was smirking at him.

'oops' harry said like maybe the joint rolled and lit itself and fallen into his hand by accident.

'hi' louis,as harry guessed,said.

'innit'  the ginger,ed, sounded while peering into the stall.

'i will let this little incident slide and not report it to the headmaster if you share.' louis said,smirking slyly.

'well sharing is caring...' harry shrugged.

louis and ed shared a grinned look and stuffed themselves into a way too small stall.

the spliff started to go in a circle.

'so what's your name curly?' 

'm harry'

'ah,i'm louis and that's ed. you look a bit young and new,what year are you?'

'freshman'

'so you like sex pistols? how cliche'

harry gave louis a confused look.

'all wanna be punks go for the sex pistols ts'

'oh and you're the real deal?' harry gave him raised eyebrows.

'biggest and baddest of 'em all' louis said proudly while taking another hit.

'is he for real?' harry turned to ed who seemed to spaced out to care about louis shit.

'if he wasn't you'd have to make him up'

 


	6. even the wallflowers shout sometimes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it was a deadly silence for a few too long seconds,until ed finally spoke.
> 
> 'i saw you on the top of a eight story building,standing on the edge,higher than a fucking kite screaming 'i am the bravest man alive' and you know what,you're nothing but a pussy.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is from eds point of view  
> it takes place in the present,a few days before louis' death  
> gaypuns.tumblr.com

pot was going slow lately so ed wasn't picky about his clients. when he got a call from harry that morning he decided to do it and simply not tell louis.

'mate' ed nodded a hello at harry.

'hi' harry replied.

they were in some street corner not far from eds and louis' shared flat,but ed knew louis was probably shagging eleanors brains out so he didn't worry much.

they exchanged the money and the goods swiftly.

'so hows louis?' harry asked casually,but ed wasn't dense. in fact he was sure the only reason harry called him for a hook up was to ask about louis.

'well,i assume' louis wasn't well. harry just gave him raised eyebrows.

'i saw you at the gig' no, he saw louis at the gig.

'yeah yeah it was good,i like your new stuff,it's a good set.' ed was trying to snake it out of harry.

'well,people would stop showing up if we kept playing the same songs over and over,now wouldn't they?' bloody bastard.

'look haz,i have to go but maybe a pint sometime would be nice.' 

'yeah sure.' ed felt sorry 'cause harry looked defeated,but walked away anyways.

 

*****

 

when he came back to the flat louis was smoking a cigarette on the couch in only his boxers.

'is she here?' ed asked.

'yeah,sleeping.' 

ed was just about full of louis crap these days,even tho his mother thaught him to always let people be and not ask about the things people didn't wish to give an answer to.

'what the fuck,lou?' he stared at the louis angrily and louis was a bit taken a back by his usually chill friend's sudden change.

'what? you don't like el? look i know she isn't one of them punk rock purple haired lasses i usually bring-'

'usually? she ain't your type,mate,we both know it.' ed wasn't having any of this.

'she's nice,so what's the big deal?' louis asked and he was pretty pissed now.

'what's with that tattoo on your neck mate? i was at that show too so don't even try and play dumb.'

'oh yeah?' louis stood up now and they were staring at eachother,neither ready to back down.

'yeah. and you fucking well know i never interfere but you are fucking poser.' ed said it with intent. he wanted to push louis' buttons.

'don't you ever fucking call me that.' they were both shouting at eachother now.

eleanor stumbled out of the bedroom in one of louis' old t-shirts.

'what are you on about?' she mumbled lazily,while rubbing here eyes. obviously woken up by the shouting.

they both turned to look at her and then back at eachother.

it was a deadly silence for a few too long seconds,until ed finally spoke.

'i saw you on the top of a eight story building,standing on the edge,higher than a fucking kite screaming 'i am the bravest man alive' and you know what,you're nothing but a pussy.' 

ed said it like he was just ordering a pizza,so cool and steady,just watching louis in the eye and he saw a spark in his eyes at the last word.

'get out.' louis spat. 'GET THE FUCK OUT!'

'gladly.' ed murmured and went to his room,when he came back a minute later we had a rucksack on his back.

'i'm crashing at zayn's and h's place. have a nice life.'

and that was it.

 


	7. coffee shop ballad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'say it.' he whispers into his ear,his lips touching the lobe of louis ear ever so lightly. 'no one can hear you.'
> 
> harry is hovering over louis,and louis never felt so small.
> 
> he looks harry right in the eye.
> 
> 'i like you. i want you. now kiss me.'
> 
> it was more of an order rather than a confession,but harry was happy because he knew that expecting more from louis would be ignorant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had troubles with my internet so i couldn't update.  
> tumblr: gaypuns  
> i hope you enjoy!  
> this chapter is set a week after harry's show at the Black Cat

*a week after harry's show at the Black Cat*

 

louis,harry,zayn and ed were sitting in a cubicle at the small,dingy coffee shop that's under louis' flat.

louis and harry were sitting opposite to ed and zayn,with harry's arm ever so casually around louis' shoulders.

zayn knew what that was about,and ed was assuming but wasn't planning on asking.

louis was telling a story and harry watched him with such fond and pride.

zayn and ed on the other hand couldn't believe what they were seeing.

'so first i thought it was me and ed,because we were always smoking those days,but then i see smoke coming out of the last stall so i open the door and there's young harold smoking a spliff!'

louis was laughing so hard like it was the funniest thing ever and harry was a giggling mess.

'you do know i was there,right?' ed was the first to break their bubble.

they just kept smiling while ed and zayn watched them with curious eyes.

ed's cell phone broke the weird thing that was going on.

'ello?' after a minute of ed silence 'well fuck you.' and he hung up.

'what was that about?' zayn asked.

'my shit roomate found out i'm dealing and now he wants me to move out or he's calling the cops. shit.'

'you can stay with us!' harry jolted.

'haz i know you mean well but we barely manage,where are we gonna fit a third person,ed,mate you know i love you but,we can't...'

'you won't have to' louis sounded 'i have a two bedroom flat,and not nearly enough money to pay for it,plus i get lonely.' louis offers with a cheeky grin.

'fuck,yeah' ed and louis fist bump over the table 'just like old times right lou,the dinamic duo.'

'well how about we go up to ed's new place and get properly smashed to celebrate this reunion.' louis buzzes. he's already jumpy in his seat and harry puts a reassuring hand on his thigh and squeezes.

he leans into louis ear and whispers. 'that sounds like an ace idea'

 

******

 

two hours,two bottles of wine and three joints later zayn is sound asleep on the couch. ed is eating the most of louis' fridge and harry and louis are lying on the floor facing eachother.

'lou?'

'yeah?' louis humms.

'i really like you.' harry offers,quietly.

'everyone does,love.' louis turns a joke.

'lou.' harry says more sternly.

'what?' he pleads.

'say it back.' harrys gaze is getting stronger and more meaningful.

'maybe i don't mean it.' louis says with a lazy,drunk smile.

harry gets up and takes louis' hand. he drags him into louis' bedroom and shuts the door after them.

as soon as the doors are shut he presses louis against them.

'say it.' he whispers into his ear,his lips touching the lobe of louis ear ever so lightly. 'no one can hear you.'

harry is hovering over louis,and louis never felt so small.

he looks harry right in the eye.

'i like you. i want you. now kiss me.'

it was more of an order rather than a confession,but harry was happy because he knew that expecting more from louis would be ignorant.


	8. you're so gay and you don't even like boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'I heard Nick fucking Grimshaw saying how fit you are and that he was gonna try and get into your pants tonight. fucking hipster. aslo a peadophile.'
> 
> 'what are you talking about you are both seniors!' harry laughed.
> 
> 'yeah but he's freakishly tall,like taller than you and his hair is a crime!' louis stood up from his spot and pouted.
> 
> harry just wanted to bite that pouting lip,so he did. louis gasped in surprise but gave in instantly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's so early,why am I awake??  
> gaypuns.tumblr.com  
> also this chapter is from when they were in highschool,after the blow job in the closet

*2 weeks after 'the blow job incident'*

 

harry calls it 'the incident'. it's been two weeks and it has been weird.

louis' so confusing,like one day he's winking at harry or eye fucking him and the other day he won't even look at him.

harry tries to ignore the mood swings but his dick is aching.

like yesterday,he was standing in the smokers pit with zayn and it's a pretty small spot so when louis and ed came over,louis had to like brush against harry to get in and of fucking course he decided to turn his bum to him and brush against his crotch.

and with a fucking smirk.

harry tried really hard not to get hard. ironic,right.

but today was friday and it was the day of niall horan's party. he and his brother greg are pretty sick,they have the best parties. so harry can't wait,he wants to get drunk and dance with somebody that isn't louis tomlinson and get snogged by somebody that isn't louis tomlinson and fuck somebody that isn't louis tomlinson,but he also wants it all with louis tomlinson.

 

*****

 

'how long we gonna be here?' zayn slurred in harry's way.

harry just shrugged,his eyes were roaming the crowd. he wasn't looking for louis per se,just looking for someone cute enough to dance with.

they were standing against the wall just trying to look cool when harry saw him.

louis and ed were standing against the wall opposite to them. when harry's and louis' gazes locked it was done.

louis was smiling a small smile,but it was devilish.

harry was the one that winked at him this time.

louis slightly nodded his head in the direction of the bedrooms as if asking a question.

harry just smiled in return.

and that was it. louis turned around and whispered something in ed's ear,then he left upstairs where the bedrooms were.

harry didn't even realize his smirk turned into a full grin.

he turned around to tell zayn something but zayn was snogging perrie and that meant he won't be seeing zayn for the rest of the night.

so harry quickly headed for the bedrooms,he caught ed's eye on the way and ed kind of smiled and waved him of.

it was such a weird gesture,like he's saying go have fun or something and it made harry wonder how much does he really  know?

harry told zayn about the blow job,but he now regrets it. he feels as if he's in on some big secret,he likes being louis' secret,and maybe that sounds mazohistic but fuck it.

harry opened the first door he found and oops,someone's having sex in there.

he opened the second door and it's a bathroom.

he opens the third door and yes,there is louis,sitting on the bed.

'hi,curly!' louis chirps.

harry closes the door behind him. 'please tell me you remember my name.'

'of course I do,I just prefer curly.' louis smiled at him sweetly. 'I wasn't sure if you were gonna come to be honest.' louis looked down to his lap.

'why wouldn't I?' harry asked,brows knitted together in worry.

'I heard Nick fucking Grimshaw saying how fit you are and that he was gonna try and get into your pants tonight. fucking hipster. aslo a peadophile.'

'what are you talking about you are both seniors!' harry laughed.

'yeah but he's freakishly tall,like taller than you and his hair is a crime!' louis stood up from his spot and pouted.

harry just wanted to bite that pouting lip,so he did. louis gasped in surprise but gave in instantly.

they started making out  and louis pushed harry on to the bed so now harry was the one sitting,he then straddled him and all this without breaking their heated kiss.

harry started kneading the flesh of louis bum and louis moaned into his mouth.

harry was already hard and so was louis,their cocks brushing against eachother deliciously.

harry moved on and tooke of louis shirt and roamed his hands all over his back,just wanting to feel his body,all while thrusting his hips to meet louis' and leave him a whimpering mess.

'not fair,take it off' louis mumbled while tugging the hem of louis t-shirt.

'wait' harry said.

'what?what?what??' louis didn't care he sounded so needy,because he was so needy.

'you never admited it.' harry said cooly.

'admited what?' louis was confused and horny and in no mood for talking.

'that you're gay.' wrong move styles,wrong move.

'i am not gay' louis said in a strong tone.

'that's a joke right?' harry said while nodding down at their 'situation'.

louis abruptly stood up from harry's lap and put his shirt back on.

'so you don't like boys?' harry continued 'you don't want my dick in your mouth,or your arse?' he whispered the last part half seductivly and half like a secret.

'shut up. shut up. shut up!' louis screamed and started running down the stairs.

'lou wait!' harry followed.

they found themselves at the front yard when louis finally stopped running to catch some air.

'lou please,you can't be for real with this!' harry half pleaded and half shouted.

'you know what harry? you are a fucking prick and you can go shove your dick in a bee hive. how's that?' louis turned around to find ed staring at him from one of the loan chairs,a beer cradled in his arms.

'get up ed we're leaving'

'YOU ARE SO FUCKING GAY AND YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE BOYS,WELL FUCK YOU!' harry shouted from the top of his lungs,not because he was angry but because fe was hurt.

louis just turned on his heel and looked him straight into the eyes and gritted his teeth. 'I am not gay.'

and that was it.


	9. I'm not sorry I loved you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> harry was crying.tears were blurring up his vision. ''I am not sorry I loved you,but you are daft if you think I'm staying without you.''

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please don't kill meee  
> my tumblr is hazzbandana,but that's my 1d blog,my humor blog is funny-pineapple,and my personal is vanessaneptune  
> my twitter is Vanessa_Neptune

''Dear Louis, from the first moment I saw you,I knew you would get caught up in my life like a fly in a cob web. I remember thinking 'oh,this is it'. And no matter how much I tried to hate you or you hated me,I remember thinking 'oh',every time I saw you.

You were a perfect mix of funny,handsome,smart and energetic,and you would scare me. Not scare me as in I feared you,but scared me because you were this ball of energy and you seemed fine. you seemed perfectly fine carrying this secret,keeping me a secret. pretending like nothing is true.

and that was fine when we were in high school,but now...'' harry's voice shooke a little,but he continued.

''I love you so much it burns,it boils my blood. And I wanted nothing more but to save you,but you didn't want to be saved. I never knew if you were really that broken or you just felt a need to break yourself.'' 

harry was crying.tears were blurring up his vision. ''I am not sorry I loved you,but you are daft if you think I'm staying without you.''

harry felt someone pulling him by his hand. it was zayn and ed. ed was crying also,and zayn just had tears on his big eyelashes,so he must of been crying too.

they were on louis' funeral,and harry just finished speaking. when the minister asked is there someone else who would like to give a word,harry almost ran to the small stage. louis' family seemed really surprised because they just met harry and ed introduced him as louis' friend.

 

******

 

harry ran home. he left zayn and ed behind. when he came back to their place he went straight to his room and locked the door behind him. he fished out a big bottle of vodka and a container with about 50 pain killers from underneath his bed.

he didn't waste any time.

he started eating the painkillers like it was nothing,sometimes swallowing them dry,and sometimes chewing them. it tooke him about five minutes to finish them all.

he startes chugging down the vodka but soon his vision started to blur and that was it.

he was no longer there. he wasn't sure if he just wanted to die or if he was hoping to find louis,somewhere where ever it is you go after you die.

but it was done,the pain was over.

 

*******

 

5 years later

 

'henry is a girl,henry is a girl!!'

'am not!'

a woman in a worn out suit came in to a room full of kids all from ages 4 to 16. 'henry and billy,i thought i said cut it out. WILLIAM AUSTIN STOP PULLING HIS HAIR!''

'she called you william,you're in trouble' henry sing sanged and stuck out his tongue to billy.

'miss calder,chill out,they're five.' niall,a 15 year old kid tried to soothe the worried woman.

'we have a lot o possible parents coming in today,so you all have to look and act your best. i don't want you all spending the rest of your young life in this place.'

15 minutes later the room was filled with all different types of people,billy was mostly interested in a tall dark men with a blond petite woman under his arm. they looked way too young and too cool to be a mom and dad,was his first thought.

'who are you? why do you have your ears pierced? what is that on your arms? did you do it with a sharpie? is she your wife? she's pretty. do you see that kid with curly hair,i'm gonna marry him,but don't tell him that. lady how did you put that ring on your nose?'

'billy please,go easy on the people,be nice.' miss calder warned.

'eleanor? eleanor calder?' the man spoke.

'zayn? oh my god,i haven't seen you in...well five years,since...you know.'

'yeah,it's been a long time,this is my wife perrie.'

a boy with curly hair came running.

'no way,i like them,go away williaaaaam.'

'no,I saw them first.' billy pulled henrys hair again.

'billy stop pulling his hair or people will think you have a crush on him.' miss calder gave him a pointed look.

'no i don't! he has cooties!' billy pouted.

'no i don't,girls have cooties,i'm a boy!' henry yelled.

'how can you be a boy if i like you? boys like girls. i mean i don't like you,you stink and you have cooties.' 

'i like you too! can we get married? will you buy me a ring?' henry was bouncing around and billy looked so red,like a tomato.

billy started running around the orphanage,and henry chased him all the while talking about their wedding.

neither of them ever got adopted,but that's alright because they hated the idea of being torn apart.


End file.
